Alls Fair in Warfare


The saying goes “Don’t pull out all your cards right away.” This leads the enemy to believe they have the upper-hand. To underestimate you. I’m a very ….VERY patient person, and kindhearted, there are many things I know that I choose not to reveal. However, rub me the wrong way, and you’ll regret it painfully. This is not to any of my readers here on my blog. I am merely stating facts, and how I feel. However, when someone threatens me because they think they can intimidate me, and scare me… they have a whole other thing coming to them. Wisdom is knowing when to stay quiet, and when to speak up. I’ve held my tongue for years, but today, you have officially declared war. WATCH what happens next. Let’s do this!!!

This statement is a reflection of something involving an idiotic situation. You see, I have an eight year old daughter whose father was very clear from the very beginning of her life path that he didn’t want anything to do with her. However, I am a Rareity. Therefore, in the eight year span of her life, I have allowed his parents to be a part of her life. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do. Today, I received a summons declaring he is filing for full custody so his parents could raise her for him. This doesn’t surprise me. This was something they tried to convince me to do since she was born.

I was raised to believe that we should be responsible and take responsibility of our actions and consequences of those actions. I’m sorry that my choice to be responsible for my own child makes grandma angry. I’m sorry if this post seems like a whining mess, or complaint because that is not my goal with this message. The message is: How does one expect to abandon their child, but suddenly come out of the woodworks eight years later to “Take” full custody of a kid that they’re planning to drop off at grandparent’s doorstep and run back off out-of-state, is beyond me.

This is what I do know: I have refused to be the bad guy. My daughter has spent plenty of time with her family. She has been formulating her own opinions about HER family as well. They are not positive.  She has often been left with a negative impression of her family, and has come home upset and crying about her experiences with her bio dad.  So today, I’m honestly reaching out to my readers because I’d like to know your take on this. I gather many compliments about my parenting skills, but refuse to take it to my head. She is intelligent because I work my bottom off to help her get ahead.  During our summers, after we’ve settled for the evenings, we sit and prep for the upcoming year. Every year, she masters the curriculum in the first nine weeks.  Why do I do this? Because then her year comes and goes with a breeze. This is beside the point. I go above and beyond to teach this precious little miracle to understand the same life lessons I was once taught. We have an apricot tree now as well. I find myself under it all summer long. As a girl, I’d look outside and find dad standing peacefully under our’s back home, I would gasp in excitement, and rush to throw on my shows as quickly as I could, just to have my special moment with him. Today, I often wonder as she notices me outside the window doing the same thing, and rushes to flop her shoes on, if she thinks the same thing I did as a little girl? Rushing outside to talk to mom (dad then) a parallel. I am the best of both my parents, because she deserves that same morality. I have put up with a lot of emotional abuse from her paternal side of her family, for many years they have talked down to me, said mean and abusive things to me, and said things about me to my daughter, that she’s brought home. I’ve always taken it with an OK-and-one-day-she’ll-see-this mentality. I apologize if I sound cocky, or conceited in this post. I am not attempting to achieve that whatsoever. This bears on my mind because, it is very cruel to do. Anyhoo I do notice now that I’m getting quite wordy, so I’m going to sign off. Readers be honest, if I’m annoying you with this ramble say it. Tell me to shut it! if you have an opinion throw it in my face, because I’ll appreciate it, take it, and ponder it.  Thank you for reading this far, and have a great week!

23 thoughts on “Alls Fair in Warfare

  1. Judith StClaire says:

    My heart goes out to you and to your daughter. No one needs family pressures and strife in her life. You are her principal “Team” member. You are seeing she is introduced to people and ideas that will help her form her future.
    (See my post https://humboldtbayhome.wordpress.com/2014/12/09/team-nicholas/ )

    Her father’s family want her in their lives. You have generously allowed that. She is in their lives. However, they are not her life. You and your daughter are a team. You are helping her to develop into her own person. What could be more powerful for anyone than that?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. kyriakh123 says:

    I believe the best thing to do is what you feel in your heart to be in your daughter’s best interest. For her paternal side of the family to be talking against you to her, clearly those grandparents are not suited to raise your daughter. I don’t believe they have her best interest at heart anymore than your daughter’s father does. If they did, they’d do not only what’s in the child’s best interest, but they’d not talk against you at all to her or to anyone. It appears they have selfish tendencies. To want your daughter in their lives is one thing, but they must want her for the right reasons. I get the impression the only reason they want her in their lives is for their own selfish reasons. The girl’s father is clearly not a good parent, based upon what I read in your ariticle. You obviously have your daughter’s best interest. Honestly, there should be more parents like you, because you provide the kind of love, encouragement and nurturing that every child deserves to have. That’s what’s most important. Therefore, I believe you are the best choice when it comes to raising your daughter. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck with the overall situation, and pray everything works out well for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. sonniq says:

    So many families have had to deal with the fact that children are used as weapons. For that reason it is rare that I have any communication from one 16 year old granddaughter because her mother turned her against her father ( my son) and me. She is lost now to anything my side of the family and her father could have have added to her bringing up. Her childhood has been lost to us out of vindictiveness. Even later, if she wants to contact her father or me, nothing can get back the lost years. Parents use children as weapons, grandparents do the same thing when they try to keep a child away. The one who gets hurt the most is the child and they don’t have the maturity yet to understand that. My own family is torn into shreds ( sisters and spouses) who want nothing to do with me. Why/ They don’t know me. I’d like to meet one family who isn’t dysfunctional. Why is it I have this need for acceptance by people I wouldn’t give the time of day to if we weren’t related, and I allow it to continue to let it.hurt me?

    The court is not going to take away a daughter from a loving parent because a non functioning parents wants his parents to raise her. Because of that I would stop being so generous in allowing her to spend any more time with them than the courts deem fair. The court will look at what is in the best interest of the child. These grandparents did not give birth to her – you did. her father made it clear he wasn’t interested – and still isn’t. HAVE NO DOUBT OF THE OUTCOME OF THIS. Don’t allow yourself to think otherwise.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Rareity says:

      You are very right. I am a minority. Many mothers do keep their children away, and truthfully no judge will give them nearly as much time as I’ve given them myself. Its as though your reading my mind, because I do feel the same way. Im very confident in the situation, especcially since I have plenty of papertrail, and proof that serves against their cause. They have only deemed detrimental to her emotional development, and have so often hurt her and made her feel terrible about herself, and your right. Once all is said and won, that ends. After all the courtesies they’ve been given, to try and weasel, or intimidate me into feeling as though they deserve her more then me, Is underhanded. This whole thing is merely about the them being upset. They promised her they’d take take her out of town this past summer but flaked out. My daughter found out they went without her when she called one day, and was utterly heartbroken they had did so. Their compensation to that was fighting with me over how she deserved to leave the state for her birthday which also landed on thanksgiving this past year, because (exact words) they could give her a better birthday then I ever could. Just to see dad. Out of state, on her birthday, to be gone a whole week. Not seeing her family at all, or celerating a normal birthday which she was looking forward to doing. A day he’s never wanted to share with me. Doesn’t make sense how that is justfiable. Intrusive is the word that seems fit for that. I’ve given them a lot of open doors with this precious little girl, and rather then be grateful, they want to take, and take more, (be greedy about it) nothing is ever enough. They honestly believe shes better off without consistency, and stability. Grandma honestly argued that I was a cruel mother for “making” my daughter enjoy family time. Any therapist will say that spending time and making special weekly dates assigned and directed to family bonding is pertinent to positve development. However, wow I could go on all day about the negative role they play in hers and my life. Rather then being a support set in place, they are more focused on sabotaging me. That is unfortunate consdering I do let them see her A LOT! they were very active in her life. This court thing came out of no where. She was at their house recently and they left her un attended outside. she wasn’t told to not go pet the horses, she climbed into the pen and started petting them. Their ram then attacked her, and continued attacking her. He continued ramming her, and had it not been for their neighbor hearing her scream, that ram would have dangered her fatally. This now makes her scared to go over. What can you tell a kid who is scared to go around? Thank you so much for your comment. That really touched my soul. You really just …thank you for being so supportive.

      Liked by 1 person

      • sonniq says:

        wow. Being on the side you are, except I am the grandmother who can’t see her grandchildren. They are used like weapons. But kids grow up and they aren’t stupid. Your daughter and my grandchildren will see it for what it is, but that doesn’t take away the pain and heartache it causes today. If i were you – all of this freedom you gave them to see your daughter and be involved in her life has been abused. For the time being, needs to come to an end, or you may end up with them hiding her somewhere and letting you have her back. To go behind your back to try to get custody didn’t spring up just now. It’s been in the works for awhile. You may even want to try to get a restraining order since they endangered her life and are acting irrationally now, and you fear for her if she is around them with out you. If they want to take you to court for grandparent rights i would try for supervised visits. If someone were messing with my child and trying to get custody, you do what you need to do to show them unfit. it seems as if you have that enough proof of that already.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Just Jude says:

    You’re most welcome. It’s going to be a tough row ahead for you and your daughter. Remember the love and support that you have from friends and loved ones. You’ll be surprised at how many are and will be from people who are not “in your life” but they are of it. Some have been. Some are. Some have yet to be. Embrace them as they do you.
    I will not say “everything is going to be okay.” That is yet to be determined. Who knows. “Everything” may end up so far beyond okay into unfathomable blessings.
    Set forth each morning knowing that all the best possibilities of yesterday were met and that each day will bring forth the same opportunities. Fulfill them and let the journey be something to live rather than a better toleration.
    My best to you and much prayer.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Just Jude says:

    I agree with the comments above. Do speak up and speak out. Allow your outrage a place in life as a fuel of love and passion for your daughter and for you. You must not back down in a situation this important. Continue to grow that backbone of yours and seek action that will preempt every move made by the paternal side of the family. Be swift, firm and polite. Hold yourself to a higher standard demonstrating love above all each step of the way. Your daughter will see you more and more as you, your own father.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dash McCallen says:

    It boggles the mind to pursue such a course of action in the courts. Assuming two possible things. The Grandparents are orchestrating this from the background, in such a case is a horrid thing to do to a mother that has a house of siblings and two parents or the second, the parent that could not care less and is doing it only to “Get back” for some reason. You have done extremely well and can only be commended for raising a wonderful child who will only be derailed in her development by this mean-spirited move in teh courts.

    Just my opinion

    Liked by 1 person

  7. mincs1 says:

    Dear Rareity, I do not think you are rambling, annoying, cocky or conceited. I see a mother who loves her daughter and is being faced with an unbelievably cruel legal action. I think you have every right to be a warrior now and fight fiercely to maintain custody of your daughter. Do what is best for the two of you and the others can just deal with it!!

    Liked by 3 people

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