Tonight, I’m going to post differently. Instead, I’m going to post what’s my mind. First, I’d like to awknoledge how much I admire another blogger by the name of Tessa. Why?
Because, she speaks about her physical, and emotional struggles that she endures daily. That’s bravery, and inspiration at its finest.
Six years ago:
I remember it like yesterday. It was Christmas Eve. While on a special date with my three year old daughter we managed to get her a hair cut, go Christmas shopping, and have lunch. As fierce as she is, we left the establishment with her throwing a tantrum. The motive was to pick up the Christmas turkey from my apartment at the time, and take it over to the house our family was designated to celebrate at. On the way, a drunk driver couldn’t or wouldn’t have patience for the car going speed limit. Eventually, at the last second he sped up to cut in front of us. Head on. CRASH! Because of the timing they chose, it happened so fast I didn’t even have enough time to do anything but crash. They kept driving. Their plan was to hit and run. Luckily,as they kept driving my front bumper was also pulling off with them. When it finally snapped off, it popped. The pressure caused their car to flip around and land on the curb. They then got out, and tried harassing me. While waiting for the police to get there, I grabbed my phone and texted dad. “We just got hit by a drunk driver.” I didn’t get a response. After that was over, I stopped by a friends house to drop something off. My daughter and I were pretty bruised up, and startled from that.
My daughters grandfather encouraged me to hire a lawyer. I took his advice, and they suggested treatment. I suppose this is where the story goes cold. I started noticing how my body was changing. I Used to be in top physical shape. Suddenly, I was in pain just bending over, kneeling or doing any house work. It began to affect me slowly. Three months later we heard the news. Mom had a silent heart attack back in the winter months. …….. Hmmmm? …… Left her with a leaky valve. I’m not going to go there in this post. Especially for the sake of my consistent readers.
Six years ago, this changed me forever. I never truly had a chance to reflect, grieve, accept, understand, or breakdown about it because for the past six years, I have had one thing happen right after another.
Tonight, while looking at things my chiropractor stated I have permanent ligament damage in my entire back. I’m injured from my neck to my lower back because of the impact and injuries I sustained. Everyday,I live in khronic pain. Everyday, I pretend like it doesn’t exist. Why? Because dad once said, “Your not even old, and your already hurting like you are.”
Was this an insult? Maybe. Was it a reflection on how damaged I was afterwards? Who knows.
Tonight this post is more of a reflection then anything else. I suppose it’s a hard slap in the face to finally know for sure. After everything else I’ve experienced, I’m suddenly dealing with this issue. Therefore, now I’m working through this too. It’s not easy getting up from the bed and having your lower body cower and almost give out every time you do so. I don’t weigh a whole lot. It doesn’t make me feel good.
It’s hard to accept that I haven’t been up to parr to do simple things such as house chores. I have to make everything easy. For example; if anything is too low, and requires me lowering myself whether bending or kneeling, I am in a pickle. If something is high and I can’t reach without stretching, I’m in a pickle. Imagine the reality that you can’t do things normal people your age should be able to do.
Ok. ok now, before this turns into a pity party, im going to say,
So here I am finally working through it. Thanks to Tessa, I’m brave enough to blog about it.
As I’ve said in the past, “We either sink or swim.”
I suppose I’m too darn stubborn to accept defeat on this one, and I tend to ignore some of my restrictions.
Maybe I don’t mention it, or talk about it a lot because I refuse to let it define me.
Inquiry: after a stream of traumatic events, how does only finally go back to the root?
Thanks for bearing with me guys, and gals. Appreciate it. As always.
with love: Rareity.