I’ve had a heavy workload this weekend, and you may have noticed the drop in my posts. It doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about you. How could I do that? 😀 I spent my weekend in a daze. With quite the eventful weekend, I didn’t have much time to think, or be around to post. Therefore, my apologies are in order.
Life: Quite the funny concept. In a heartbeat everything can change. The impact. Such a great weight, it not only weighs you down, but tears you apart.
As I held my newborn in my arms Saturday evening, while they proceeded to finish the last of her screenings, the helicopter flew overhead.
The trigger: Triggers are brutal. They come without warning, and remind you of an exact moment, and exact date of an exact memory you may not want to think about.
They flew dad out before he passed. He didn’t even get to pass away in his home town. For a small moment, I froze in thought. As the medical copter made its landing, the thought of dad lying in bed waiting for the helicopter was the last place I truly saw my dad conscious. Maybe my spouse noticed my change in demeanor, maybe he didn’t. It drifted me into a realm of thought.
We left feeling relieved of course, as all parents should that when their baby’s screenings are fine. We approached the exit, nearing the ER and the deep gloom became apparent. That plane was there to air lift someone. A young mother stood with her young child as she wiped tears off of her face. Her young child howled for his loved one. my heart dropped, and my stomach sank. My brain shut off, and I slipped into a daze. Outside the helicopter sat ready to take flight. I could only imagine the way it felt staring at it when I was that family member watching my father fly away. I stared deeply at the empty plane. My spouse asked me a question, and with a delayed response I looked over, “Huh… Oh I’m sorry I just…” shaking the dread out of my head. “I know.” He said. “I just… My heart goes out to those people.” I responded. “Yeah It’s definitely not easy.” He said.
Today, is the two-year anniversary of the day they flew my father out. The last day I truly say him alive. I can’t say I’m affected the way I was in the beginning. I am merely thinking about it. this weekend triggered the thought, and now as most of us know, winter is a harsh time. Depression is more frequent for many reasons such as; grief, broken hearts, the harsh environments, and holidays with tight budgets, etc.
In the moment of impact: Breathe, stay calm, and be strong. For it is in that moment that will chart your future.
To the family that this happened to: My heart goes out to you. This is not an easy experience. For those of you who haven’t experienced this sort of thing, my only message with this post today is to remind you that life is short, were here one minute gone the next. Embrace those that love you, and remind them of your affection and loyalty. Instead of regret, appreciate them while they’re here. In the end, accumulate enough happy memories to carry your broken heart for the rest of your lifetime.
Have a good day!