Sleep is an unknown realm in my reality. Well maybe I sleep a little. (Thought bubble: putting my two fingers up showing you my pinch of sleep.) Writing, functioning, editing????? Oh right that thing I used to do, when I was energetic 😛 OK so yeah, I might be slacking on my posts. It drives me crazy on the daily. Aside from it all, I’m feeling pretty blessed. My precious Goldie locks with sapphire blues, just blows my mind. She takes my breath away.
I was Strolling through social media yesterday, and saw a post that truly resonated with me. It quoted, ‘
” The best gift a father can give their child is presence, not presents.”
In the world we live in today, sadly there are more absent fathers, then we’d like to admit. It does seem wrong to be a completely absent parent. Choosing to not be there for your child when it matters the most to them, might not be an appropriate value to teach our youth. The concept; love is money has some negative impacts on a person. Why? Because time is love. The difference: entitlement versus integretity. It might be cool to buy your child a huge and expensive gift, but does this really make up for the absence? Lack of relationship? Probably not. Make your presence known.
Personal thought: As an absent parent, whether mother or father. Yes world, it does happen. 😕 It may not be a wise idea to proactively choose to never be there for the child, yet expect that child to be there for your experiences that matter for you. Why? Are you building a bond, or are you using them?
Most likely your using them, and sending them the message that their not important enough to you, but they better see you as important to them. Popping up once or twice a year, doesn’t sanction control over a person. A real parent knows parenthood is about guiding, not controlling. HUGE difference. Being there for your children, supporting them, and making time for them, is what they’ll remember the most. We remember not the things that are said to us, but rather how we are made to feel, and one sided relationships crush a kids spirit.
Consistency is important to a child’s well being, if you are not providing that, you are creating a instability in your relationship.
As a mother who from the sidelines watches two children grow up in a a split home, with two completely different scenarios making them who they are, and three children whom have a set home, I see differences in cognitive development, and many other factors that play into their self beings. These concepts are real to me. With these many different dynamic changes, they all impacts their lives, and those around them.
The pain associated with the splits, and the agony built upon outsiders making the child feel conflicted, breaks down their confidence. That’s… Not OK. I remember the day I looked at my beautiful two year old baby girl. How much it pained me that she had only I. I picked up my phone and made a call. “Dad what would happen if the other side of her family came into her life? They like to try and turn her against me, what if they win?” A pause befell. “Mellie, their not going to succeed, And this is why: every time she goes with them, tell her bye and give her love. When she returns, be happy she’s home, don’t get mad at her when she mentions what they did, hang out with her, and go right back to routine with her.” I pondered that thought and asked, “Why?” “You love her don’t you?” “well, yeah!” “Then that’s how she’ll know.” OK huh maybe he’s right. “Maybe she needs to know that no matter what happens in life, I’ll love her despite anything.?” I reflected back. ” Yeah… Something like that.” He said. With relief in my heart, we ended our call, and I sat smiling at her fondly, while she played.
One of the many great wisdoms my father shed upon me was this very concept. To this day, I refuse to be the bad guy. She loves who she loves, and I love her for it. In the end, I will not be the person who makes my child conflicted. For, those feelings turn into anymosity.
Fathers, and mothers, spend time with those little guys, read to them, un plug them from the media world as much as possible. Granted, Media can be useful and it is ok to utilize, it is not an only means to their world.
This weekend, I plan to set up an obstacle coarse with my little guys, we will all take turns running it. Even if our house is messy, full of pillows, blankets and broomsticks galore,
The goal: have fun, enjoy each other, and make life …memorable.
Have a great day readers ☺️