Funny thing about stories is, everyone has one. I suppose what makes a person stand out is the way they present it. You know, I must say I see so much filth, greed, hatred, controversery,strife and much more in the world around me. Even in my community. I sit and ponder why society must be so vain. People fight over childish things, and I’m sitting in my little corner of my world. A tiny little fireball With the weight of the world placed heavily on her tiny little shoulders.
So …. Here goes nothing.
I’m me. A soon to be thirty two year old who lived her first traumatic experience as early as eight years old. (Hmmm) yeh… It’s not like life really takes a break on you… Your kinda just… Molded, stretched, stepped on, pounded, kicked, prodded, and then shaken back a bit … (Can you say lather, rinse, repeat much?) Trauma… It just kept happening.(Think Avalanche.) Despite these experiences, I made it out… Semi OK. Probably because I had a powerful father. No! I’m not talking (hold for superman theme song) like a guy in blue tights or anything 😀 but there was something in his presence. His words… They held weight. Because of him, I am who I am. He gave me strength, even when I wanted to… Throw it all away.
The other day, someone asked me, “What my parents do for a living.” ….. Needle ….pin drop….
“Warning!! Dangerous content, if brought to the surface may cause damage.”
First of all, why does that even matter!! 😒
I answered coldly, “They are deceased.”
They proceeded to ask,”How did they die?” (Rolling eyes)
This got me thinking. When I look around, and see peers who still have livings parents as well as grandparents, I can’t help but wonder… Why so soon? Their lifestyle choices may have had a thing or two to do with it, but at 25 years old I was not prepared to lose my mother. For crying out loud, I was pregnant and had a miscarriage a week after she passed. Pretty darn stressful. Here I am, at 28 years I lost my dad. Didn’t even make it to thirty. Don’t we humans go through some weird transition at 30? Yeah didn’t get to worry about that too much. This is a piece of the pie my long time readers know. However, I’ve been holding out. 😮
I spend a lot of time worrying. About my children, my siblings, my niece.
My oldest bro.. He’s doing alright. You know doing what he’s gotta do. Then there’s my bro… The guy I once looked up to. My idol. 😔 (Can someone say middle child issues much?) I watched my big bro spiral. I tried to help him. Empower him, even inspire him to do those great things he was capable of doing. 😟😟 it … Didn’t work. Now… After years of spiraling, he sits inside a cell, caged in. Paying his due time. Which leads me to my niece. 😞 Everyday I worry about her. Dad knew of his impending doom. He’d arranged for my eldest bro to take her in. (Mom and dad were raising her already.) dad asked biggest bro for his help, knowing my plate was already full with my kiddos. He didn’t ask me if I could take her, because he knew if he asked, I would say yes. I disappointed my father one time, in my younger years … I never again wanted to see that look on his face. However, he asked big bro, and we thought everything was cool. Issues occurred. He didn’t… Come through. 😔 no! I’m not blaming him. However, the waiting game got played. Soon she will be shipped off to a side of her family that was originally a negative aspect, which she was kept away from them in the first place. Not by choice, but through actions of her biological mother. So… Who’s to say she may not have too great of an experience, or vise versa. Either way, as I kick myself on the daily, my constant thought is, “I should of just stepped in from the start.” By the time my bro asked me to take her, it was too late. I may never see my niece again. ……….😠…..yeah. 😥
My brother gets shipped off this week into a higher security place. NO! He didn’t do amthing real crazy or anything. He’s your typical substance abuser, who made a few bad choices, and rather then have probation, he chooses to serve it all out there, for a shorter period of time. Well … I worry about him too. ☹️ does it bother me that I’m the baby in my family, and I’m expected to be the responsible one? Heck yeah!!! It weighs on me horridly.
Meanwhile: remember those five kids I’m trying to teach right, and harbor into future leaders, yeah… Well no one ever said parenting was easy. My first born comes with issues of her own. With a biological father who could careless about her, she’s got paternal grandparents trying their darndest to ?????turn her against me????! Really?(sarcasm) so do you think they realize their screwing up her head? Probably not, but hey let’s give her a complex. She totally needs that. (Your catching this sarcasm right?) hmmm have they ever wondered about being in her life for the right reasons? That’s the thing about selfish tendencies. It doesn’t matter what you do or say, in the end you will be the bad guy. Why? Because I love my daughter to the moon, and that’s all that matters. She will love who she loves, that’s her choice to make. While their focused on convincing her I’m not worth her love…. They themselves aren’t loving her. .
Before I continue on this multitude of issues, let me just say. Hey world, guess what…. 👆all that… And all I can think about doing, is still making the world a better place.
It takes a strong Mind, and soul to enlighten others, while stuck in your own storm.
So if one person can go through a series of traumatic events, live with stress and strain while still not divulging her entire story, does it even really matter if your house is bigger, or your car is better, or having strife amongst each other. NO! because in the end, life is happening everyday. The bigger picture is, your not going to be surrounded by political followers on your dying bed, you will be surrounded by your true family. The memories created matter. It truly saddens me that in our world there are so many people focusing on attacking each other rather then prospering with each other. If this post can send a any message to you today, please it it be,
“There’s more to life, then drive and greed.”
Take the time to love those that surround you. If I could hug my mother one more time, or ask my fathers advice another day. If I could grab my niece and swoop her up, protecting her from the evils of the world, and if I could just protect my daughter from her problems… I would. Unfortunately I can’t. There is still time for you.
With love MELLIE 🍒