“It takes a lot of resolve as a parent, to step back and let your kids be who they are.”
My biggest bro came to town this weekend. We had a lovely time. The weekend started out with a bang. When brother showed up, we proceeded with our plans to decorate the grave site. I felt silly leaving the little green soldiers home. I wanted dad to have a representation of his service on his resting place. Either way, as our day came to settle, we all reconnected to have our traditional memorial day BBQ. I suppose its different, when my other bro can’t share his presence with us. Another year hopefully. Hey its pretty strange without mom and dad around.
As we enjoyed the fresh nighttime air, the children played like never before. We talked about the good old days, the here and now, and future goals. I’ll admit, when we were small dad was quite the strict one. He was particularly hard on his boys. After years of observing dads actions, I realized it was his way of “Toughing them up.” Turns out that old school mentality isn’t really the new way of living.
We talked about how my bro didn’t like that, and that he had a different sensitivity to the world around him. We also talked about how STUBBORN my first born is. that little stinker broke the netting on the trampoline, BECAUSE WE ASKED HER TO BE CAREFUL OR SHE”LL BREAK IT!!! Where was my reverse psychology when I needed it….DANGIT!!
There it was. My revelation.
My greatest wisdom I’ve gained from being a parent is knowing,
“people, things, and situations are how they are. You have no control over what they are, how they prevail, nor become.”
Mhm. “Sweet pea is a free spirit folk. She tends to desire not fitting in. We’ve spent years struggling over her weird underwear inhibition … Just… EWW! Put some damn panties on once in a while. Nope…. Not her!
My brothers wife commented, “For having five kids you guys handle it pretty well. I like the way you talk to them.” There it was. I replied. “Yeah after nine years of battling with that one over there, I’ve learned one important lesson in life. ” I nodded my head with indication. “And it sure takes a lot of resolve to step back and let them be. “I’ve never thought about that.” She pondered. That’s when big bro added, “When we were small, dad yelled more, he always wanted us to be tough. I hated that.” My big bro was a scholar type. He was always more interested in fueling his mind with knowledge. Not roughing and touching it. (AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT) I responded with, “Exactly! that’s where that resolve would have been great.” “Mhm.”
“Its nice to know as parents you’ll accept your kids flaws, or faults.”
“It’s taken some time, but a true lesson learned.”
As our day came to an end, I was still very communicative with our kids. We came inside, and Honey Bear was amped. With all the new stimulation around us, he was pretty excited. I looked over and grabbed his hand. While pulling him close I said, “”Hey… Honey Bear… Remember that talk we had the other day about how mommy and daddy need some parent time too?” “Uh huh.” “Honey, since you got to play with uncle all day, now its mommy and daddies time to enjoy them. Can you go play in your room with brother, so mommy and daddy can have mommy and daddy time?” “Uh huh, I sure can.”
“See Mel , I like that you treat him like a small adult.”
OK!… So no I didn’t get good at it over night. It took years of my first born, and her psychotic meltdown fits, to teach me a heck of a lot of patience. She’s my hardest one. SHE MESSES WITH HER TEACHERS!! Grr! Even when I want to send her to her room, or get really disturbed by her behavior. I’ve realized, she is who she is, AND it’s that very “I’ll show you.” mentality that will take her far places as she matures into herself. Does she disappointment me? NO! Even in the face of her most fierce moments, she makes me proud. “”That’s a girl who will stand up for what she believes in.” Does she irk me when she doesn’t listen. HECK YEAH!!
At the end of the day, what matters the most are those memories we shape. Maybe this was a long venture today. Maybe I even rambled unclear.
As I end this post, I want to leave you with one message:
Remember when…? Relationships between parents and kids was different. Stricter. Even more disconnected. There was always a sense of ,”I have plans for how you’ll be and if you don’t fulfill that image, you are not adding up.” I myself remember not being girly enough to hang out with mom. Nowadays, the human race is evolving. I’m about to purchase and read the new published book, “The Future Of Men.” I get the vibe that it’s about the present and futuristic ways our connections slowly change. I don’t even remember the authors name, but its insight.
Gender roles are overrated. Hey world guess what! My spouse and I take turns making dinner. I landscape our yard. I like to build. When i’m building, or landscaping, he is cooking, and bathing. Why??? Because relationships aren’t just based on the experience, or idea of love. It’s a partnership.What I am not doing he fulfills, and vice versa. It’s OK to take turns in the kitchen. Its also great to cook together. Personally, I refuse to live under the gender role stipulation, and prefer to do what I do. BACK TO THE POINT: Yelling creates a disconnect. Fighting is unnecessary. I’ve discovered, your kids are often pretty fun to hang out with and talk to. You just… Have to speak with them. talk about life, teach them to be curious, and encourage there endeavors because:
“The stories they make, are not ours to dictate.” #stuffraresays ©Rare-ity 5-31-16
Happy Inspirational Tuesday!!!!