“I used to get in trouble for having empowering friendships.“
Anytime a friend would hear me speak about him even in what I thought was a positive light, they would stop me.
Even in that positive light, they saw toxicity screaming. RED FLAGS 🚩
It would pull the wool off my eyes
Soon after, I’d find myself calling him out on something he’d contradicted himself on.
This would enrage him.
His shift would occur…
Before I knew it, I was being told. These friends who believe in me. Want to see good things for me. View me as someone who deserves someone in my life who recognize me as they do…
Suddenly getting chastised about how stupid I am for having such shitty friends.
Made to give up my friends
The thing is: While he was calling them toxic. He was being toxic.
He never SHOWED UP for me. No matter how much he said he loved me or was there for me, he was never there when it mattered.
He didn’t celebrate with me.
He didn’t share my excitements with me.
He didn’t make himself monumental.
He was failing me.
As I resurface now
Those “toxic” friends
Stepped right back in
In the biggest way possible.
After being dragged down.
Reminding me who I am…
After being told I was someone else.
Returning my solace
As I’d been made
To question my own integrity.
That without that toxic entity
My life will improve tremendously.
In all of our lives
We deserve real connections
Actual feedback rather than distorted feedback.
A great way to know a person in your life carries ill intent for you… when every subject is about them while anything you’ve got going on is “stupid”
Everyone else in their life is “toxic” to them, a problem and burden. Thus, eventually placing you in that category as well.
If you find yourself around someone who tears down your self confidence, insults you “jokingly”, calls you names, insults you when angry… that is their truth distorted reality of who you are.
It is the genuine intent and feelings they truly carry for you.
In healthy partnerships, one doesn’t simply insult, tear down, threaten to cheat, etc during an argument.
A Healthy connection remains productive even during the setbacks.
Show up in a big way for the people in your life.
And oh did I try. A nearly grave mistake.
He will only heal when HE HIMSELF chooses it.
In order to heal…
We must look inward. Not outward towards others. for, it is no one else’s fault for why our lives are the way they are but merely OUR OWN SELVES.
With that said, for any one who needs to hear this today
“I promise you can still make a beautiful life for yourself even if you lost many years to abuse or trauma.”