After E ruthlessly assaulted me, I decided to log my injuries and healing process as each day passed.
I’d sent a few photos here and there to some trusted friends. Not in that filter life.
While, I’m aware snap has been making certain filters, mojers, and those other little facial individuals for me for quite some time now…
“Snapchat made a filter of my awful purple, black and busted open eye!”
[Sheesh! I guess I’m glad it was only the eye and not the rest of the bruising and swelling all over my face.]
Let’s just say, it wasn’t easy for anyone to see what he’d done to me. Once again no matter how much he negates it, his intentions that night were not that of an innocent person nor a victim.
At first, I was shocked that he didn’t attempt to reach out
1. Concern for whether Or not I was okay.
2. If he’d really cared about me he would have had enough remorse to call me and apologize. At least make amends for his behavior.
That’s just it though…
Instead of feeling bad, he’d only acted proud of himself for what he did. Hence the desperate gaslight attempts. So desperate, he’d hoped he could have his other victims do some of the gaslighting for him too.
That big IF
There was a reason he never wanted me to know where I stood in his life.
The only thing he wants by his side
Is not the company of another human but rather the substance
Did it bother me at first?
That first few days….until he attempted to hack my bank account for Money. It was in that moment, I knew he was nothing but a big lie. To me and his own self.
When I came to the realization that he didn’t ever really have anything to offer me, a huge weight lifted. As I’d wasted so much time and energy on him when he didn’t deserve that from me in the first place.
A guy who wanted me to abandon my own children to be with him.
A guy who is more concerned about his image than accountability and growth.
God knows my heart and his. Witnessed what occurred that night. There wasn’t a small woman beating up a grown “man”
It was a grown “man” utilizing his black belt skills to exert lethal force on a woman he’d wanted to kill. (Not love)
At the end of every day:
It’s his cross to bear.
I’m still growing, learning, experiencing, and shining.
Still me. Happily.
Reaching my goals.
Aspiring to be my better version daily.
Not allow another individual to swoop in and distract, bring down or drag:
My vibrations shall remain high.
My ambitions will continue to thrive.
I shall formidably hop through the mud