“I won’t be holding my breath.”
I can respect someone who can maturely address, converse, resolve, acknowledge, and discuss.
I cannot respect someone who’s always got one foot out the door, a bag full of insults, constantly self destructing, instantly defensive and has a million reasons to throw in the towel for everything they do or when things don’t go their way.
If your with a partner who instantly gets defensive and begins gaslighting you over every hiccup in the relationship, or is ready to run out the door for every “wrong” thing you do, it’s safe to say they don’t have the desire nor the maturity it takes to build and maintain a healthy relationship with you or anyone else in their life.
Anyone who states, “A relationship should be easy, a walk in the park, shouldn’t have any fights or disagreements” is living in an illusion.
As relationship psychologists state, “Having a relationship is like having a full time job.” That being said, just like having a job requires a certain level of hard work, dedication, accountability and responsibility; relationships require the same attributes and amount of work.
“If at the first sign of distress you’ve already got one foot out the door, ready to quit and are/or on the phone with a side person making other plans, your not just failing the relationship you are failing your own self.”
Simply put: if you aren’t willing to work on the issues at hand that affect both people in the relationship, then you aren’t really capable of working on your own self and what part you play in that relationship and in your own personal life.
“One doesn’t purchase a home then move out of that home because something breaks, they figure out what the issue is, address it, fix it and move forward productively maintaining that home.”
If you have a partner/ex who constantly deflects and acts out when you bring something to their attention or call them out on their actions… ultimately expecting you to be the “accountable” one for something you didn’t do. Demanding that your the one who always owes the “apology” … it’s safe to say they know exactly what they did wrong and are very well aware that they are manipulating you into disbelieving your own logic as a means to confuse you and reroute the “game” they play back into their favor.
That key word “game”
A relationship is not a game, a competition, nor accessory. A relationship is meant for two people to come together despite either sides quirks, choosing to love each other genuinely, unconditionally, cultivate each other, and grow with each other.
Second key word “unconditionally”
Being in a relationship isn’t about placing demands, standards and restrictions with the stipulation that if those demands aren’t met the love, affection, dedication and loyalty the partner receives is conditional.
“One should not attempt to place standards and expectations unto another if one cannot meet those standards themself .”
Example: expecting your partner to remain loyal while you cheat.
Food For Thought….
“One must first be emotionally mature enough to see the error of their ways in order to realize they may be in the wrong.”
“One must not fear looking inward in order to realize there is something they may need to be accountable for.”
“One must be able to take a step back and reflect rather then deflect.”
“Those who spend their lives running from their problems, spend their lives being haunted by their problems.”
“Those who blame others for the mishaps in their personal lives, spend their entire lives unable to maintain healthy relationships while running scared with their tails between their legs.”
“Mature relationships involve two sound minded individuals working towards the same goals. Not, one person putting in all the work while the other one plays minds games.”
“One must realize that if their actions upset another it is not healthy to place blame on the affected individual as though they are the arse for being upset.”
“In order to grow with your partner, one must be capable of realizing that a hiccup isn’t about shaming your partner for having things they need to express.”
“You can’t heal, address, nor build without hearing what your partner has to say. Being heard is the first step in healing all relationship hiccups. Therefore, if you insult, upset or hurt their feelings, your not doing anyone in the situation any good because negating how you make someone else feel causes resentment.”
“During a relational hiccup, if your main goal is to shift the focus on how your the victim and who’s right or who’s wrong rather than working through what’s being addressed and presented, your becoming a detriment to yourself. Because it is a trait that will follow you in every relationship you trek.”
10 traits healthy relationships obtain:
“I remember trying to watch relationship videos from psychtogo with him, he’d get upset and make me turn them off because they made him ‘feel bad’.”
Retrospectively, he didn’t want me watching the videos because he knew they would enlighten me to what was was doing.
You can’t expect a mentally unstable individual to correct a behavior or apologize for their wrongdoing:
1. One has to be in their right mind to realize what they’ve done.
2. If their only goal is to protect their image, and their “stance” …expecting them to pull up their big person undies is like thinking you can jump off a ten story building and actually fly.
They never do anything wrong. It’s always everyone else in their life who is in the wrong and anyone who distances themselves from the individual for the sake of removing toxicity from their lives will always be the bad guy in that persons life.
“I remember spending countless hours listening to him complain about his friends who’d distanced themselves from him. He always had a million and one insults and thousands of reasons why that friend was so shitty.”
On the flip side: that friend also states, “He’ll never change. He would have by now. Remove him from your life because you deserve better than what he can offer. I love E but I don’t trust him and neither should you. Don’t let him gaslight you.”
It is easier for them to “be perfect” than it is for them to accept that everyone else avoids them because of how they treat others.
Cosmopolitan just published an article, “Are you Dating a Narcissist” and while I’m no longer dating that sadistic individual, the article still hit close to home. Call it … a revelation.
“This article described E to a T.”