Informational: read until the end.
Substance abuse Is similar to an enema. It slides into your life and slowly begins to impact your entire life. Suddenly, things like your work habits, Work ethic, productivity, mood, energy, pre existing mental health issues, friendships and relationships began to fail and slip away. Even the best of connections, cannot withstand the consequences of substance abuse. Oftentimes, it can lead to domestic violence and can raise the probability of committing a crime.
Once substance abuse turns into a full blown habit of addiction all these areas in your life begin to escalate until you fully obliterate everything around you.
🔳 One out of every 10 adults in the United states is already addicted to alcohol and other drugs. This can lead to unsafe sexual behaviors that can result in getting HIV viruses or other STD
🔳 Drugs can cause people to lose interest in their hobbies, work friends, family, relationships and jobs. It can cause loss of drive and motivation. People who use alcohol or other drugs think they can stop at anytime but before they know it, using drugs becomes a problem.
For example; using alcohol or other drugs can become more important then spending time with loved ones, doing hobbies, or doing well at a job. If this sounds like you, chances are good that substance abuse and/or addiction has begun.
“I remember when he got that job at the old folks facility, he’d already relapsed by that point and definitely drinking a lot. There, he had access to prescription medicines. Within two days, he had a carefully tailored story about why he couldn’t handle working there anymore, with a doom and gloom story about death, distress and emotional trauma he carried over from his childhood…how it would prevent him from recovery poorly if he continued working there. I believed him because I hadn’t seen the problem quite yet.”
“Before he even knew what my reaction would be, He began spending an enormous amount of time over explaining and begging me not to look down on him. It felt as though there was something he wasn’t telling me. Still, I took this story in and accepted him for it, as I always accepted him. More than he’d ever given me. Just like any grievance he ever shared, I sat there, listening with open mind and open heart. My response, “I can understand that it’s impacting you. If you feel like being there is a detriment to your recovery and healing… you gotta do what you gotta do. Just. Can you at least? Make sure you do it for the right reasons…Be integral about it… At least go in and talk to them. Let them know it’s not going to workout for you. The way the treat you, means they already rely on you and have put a lot of responsibility, respect and faith in you. Just don’t let them down or drop the ball on them… Kay?” Suddenly there was a distinct resignation in his voice. I just don’t want to. “You can’t just quit without saying anything, that creates bad rapport baby.” He sighed and said, “You’re right. I’ll call them tomorrow, baby”
The next day:
“Did you call them?” He got silent. “…Baby?” With slight annoyance in his voice he replied,
“And… what happened?”
He let out a sigh and stated, They were sad to see me go, but they said they’ll deal with it.”
I smiled excitedly and said, Look at you! Doing your thang! I’m so proud of you baby. I’m glad you called them.” He spoke in a low tone, “Yeah, It felt good to do it the right thing.”
As the Days passed, i’d noticed the master key still sat perched on the countertop In the kitchen. “Weren’t you supposed to take those keys back to them?. Yeah, I keep forgetting, I’ll get em’ back eventually. Besides, I’m sure they’ve made new copies by now. “ Are you sure?” “It’s fine baby don’t worry about it. OK!” He carried conviction in his tone, strong enough that I was wary of pursuing it further.
Two weeks later
You have 1 new voicemail.
“Hi Chad, this is Sandy from Said facility, we haven’t heard from you since the last day you worked and were wondering what’s going on? We’ve been trying to get ahold of you for awhile now and you’re not answering our calls or getting back to us. We really need you to return those keys. They have access to pertinent areas of our facility, and if you continue to hold on to them, we will have to get the police involved.”
“I looked up at him in shock.”I thought you said you spoke to them.” “I did! She just doesn’t know what she’s talking about”
“You didn’t talk to them did you?” He deflected his answer by responding with, “ THE POLICE!!! What a load of shit, I’ve never heard that before. What do they want to call the cops for? It’s not like their keys are made of gold.”
“Baby. Did you do something? Is there a reason why you didn’t want to go back to work?” He raised his voice and stated, doing his hand flail.
“Omg! Here we go ONCE AGAIN! making it about you. YOUR!!! FUCKING!!! CRAZY!! you know THAT!!
“Chad! They just called you wanting the keys. You heard that voicemail right along with me” “It doesn’t matter, I dealt with it. STOP!!! BEING PARANOID….” He rolled his eyes and turned his back to me.”
He’d Deflected and gaslighted me..He… Lied… to me…..
Meanwhile, he’s whole heartedly attempting to convince himself and I that I was the one lying. He lied about talking to other girls, he lied about his job, he lied about his drugging and drinking, he lied about a lot.
I suppose it’s hard not to still see his overly animated hand flails as he backslashes with comments. He overly emphasizes even there. He thought it was all good and gravy when he was doing it. Until, I started spam bombing him. He didn’t like it very much after that. 🤭🤫🤐
😉 succeeded at my goal tho.
He was most definitely in a rock and a hard place having to hide me from new/old girl he’d been making plans with being my back.
His modus Operandi: One foot in and one foot out.
Self assessment test.
1. Has anyone ever questioned you about your Alcohol or other drug use?
2. Have you ever used alcohol or other drugs alone?
3. Have you ever missed work because you were sick from using alcohol or other drugs?
4. Have you ever had legal problems because of your alcohol or other drug use?
5. If you can’t use alcohol or other drugs. Do you get jumpy, shaky, cranky, nervous or have cravings?
6. Are you in debt because of alcohol or other drugs?
7. Does it now take more alcohol or other drugs to get the same effect?
8. Have you ever used alcohol or other drugs in the morning?
9. Have you gotten into physical altercations with your loved ones or others??
10. Have you been involved in domestic violence while inebriated?
11. Do you get into more arguments with your loved ones or others?
12. Do you participate in unhealthy sexual behaviors??
If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, there may be a reason or concern for abuse or addiction.
Addiction to alcohol and other drugs Is a serious disease. The longer you wait to seek help, The harder it is to get better. Period. Changing your alcohol or other drug use is a decision only you can make. With treatment, you can control the disease and live a healthy, productive life. Millions of Americans are now recovering from alcohol and other drug addictions. Their lives are back on track. You can join them.
“I remember the moment I noticed something was off. We were on video chat. A week after we had been intimate. That entire week after he went back home. All he could talk about was how he needed me in his everyday. He wanted to come back. The waiting. Affected him in a negative way. He started to show signs.. I recognized all too well. Soon his daily mood changed. He would bounce back from happy, angry, upset, in love, happy, etc. It all led him to search for that fulfillment of an itch. He’d started to drop off a lot more. By the 2nd Week, he’d quit both of his jobs. I can still remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach. The thought screamed in my head. Shit! He’s relapsing again!!! Alarms 🚨 shuddered. I warned him not to quit his job. He didn’t Listen. He behaved similar to that day back when he backlashed over acid. I was helpless in helping him, he’d already slipped and he never truly respected me enough to value opinions. All I could do was watch in terror as I knew exactly were he was headed next….”
“Soon after that, he started spinning out of control. Finally,I got him to admit he’d relapsed. He chalked it up to it was a mistake. A one time thing… a learning lesson, it’ll never happen again. He started mentioning drug tests the facility distributes. Continuously getting nervous. Suddenly, like a Wrecking Ball, He fled the facility in the middle of the night and landed here on my lap. Fighting with me, stressing with me, Creating distress and drama, insulting me, expecting me to take on all of his responsibilities for him. Just like a user would do. Chad has always been prone to making irrational and erratic decisions. They became worse when he used. He was also quite stubborn about his control issues… the only thing I could do was …watch it all unfold. 😧
I still think about. Had he taken a step back and discussed a legit plan of action with me, rather than demanding how it was going to be, circumstance would be different. Then, I snap out of it, because those girls were always in the background
“Beyond his angst and anger, he began participating in unhealthy behaviors, insulting me, belittling me, degrading me, gaslighting me yet deflecting. I’m not so sure he was prepared to be with a woman of my caliber. One who expects nothing less than accountability, loyalty, honesty, maturity, respect, compassion and reliability. reciprocation was his weakest attribute.”
“It never mattered how loyal I was to him, he wasn’t loyal to me and he went out of his way to accuse me of cheating as a means to deflect from his cheating. Why?
“Just like he can’t admit to assaulting me, explain why he assaulted me, have remorse for assaulting me, he will never be able to address his cheating problem or other issues.”
“He wanted all these things from me and I gave them to him willingly with no hesitation. Yet, he was never willing to uphold those traits himself. So… after he assaulted me he fled leaving me for dead and straight into another woman’s bed he went.”
While, I remain single working through things, he is in another woman’s bed drowning his sorrows, still self medicating and not sitting with it, all while klinking his keyboard in backlash mode.
“Hey I just assaulted you but lemmie keep threatening you tho. Cause I’m not done with attacking you.” Not, hey I just physically hurt you I feel terrible for hurting someone I love… therein lays the difference. Between his true intentions towards me.
He wanted to hurt me
And if he didn’t, he’s not doing a very good job of proving he didn’t want to.
23 years ago and currently, he was really good at portraying someone he wasn’t.
Through video chat, he could hide his true colors. In person… It was harder to hide his true nature and afflictions. He had a hard time dealing with the fact that. I saw through the bullshit. I called him out more than he liked. In the end.. he felt entitlement and took it upon himself to “punish me” for
1. Not being naive enough to fall for the manipulation.
2. Seeing through the bullshit.
3. Calling him out on his bullshit.
4. Not enabling the behaviors or the addiction.
An individual who is Codependent and addicted typically uses the drugs to ease their emotional pain. If you are saying “That’s not me.” Remember that people who are codependent to these afflictions, addictions and unhealthy behaviors are often in denial. They will not admit that there is a problem.
Family members who cover up a users behaviors and enable them, allow a user to avoid putting off addressing the negative results of using alcohol or other drugs. This allows the user to justify the substances abuse and the repercussions it causes in their life. It also encourages them to prioritize the substances over everything else. Allowing it to become more important than all other entities in that user’s life. (I.e work, friendships, relationships, priorities, and much more)
Even if you’re ready to confront someone you care about who’s using drugs and alcohol, they may not be ready to listen. A user is in denial when he or she won’t admit that the problems are due to their drinking or other drug use.
Users who are in denial may say things like:
1. Who me? I don’t have a problem. You have the problem.
2. I couldn’t have a problem I have a good job and hardly miss a day period/ I make good money.
3. could stop if I wanted to. I just don’t want to.
4. It’s just a drink. One drink for dinner. It’ll be OK. I promise.
5, You don’t know what you’re talking about.
6 .It’s none of your business.
There is an array of excuses an alcohol user and drug user will use.
When you think about it, alcohol and other drugs can rob you of everything you have ever worked hard for.
Illegal drug use can result in being arrested and having to pay fines. So… why risk it?
You may think that an alcoholic or a drug addict is a person on the street who drinks out of a brown paper bag or who uses hard drugs. Not true. Alcohol and other drugs can affect any one of us – In all walks of life, at any age, and in all types of ways.
Simply put, getting involved in drugs and alcohol can turn your life upside down in more ways than one. Whether you’re a binge drinker or a constant daily drinker. These habits escalate into even more poor habits, which can ultimately lead you down a very dark path of existence.
Drugs can tear relationships apart:
Friends and family start to question you about your drug use.
They begin to distrust you.
People you love start to avoid you.
You begin to feel alone, especially because you need to hide your habit.
Fear sets ins..
You start having more and more fights with people at home and on the job.
You think about getting and using the drug all the time, it becomes more important than your family or friends.
If you, or someone you know or love is currently struggling with alcohol abuse or substance abuse, it is important to know that as that addiction sets in, they are no longer the same person they were when sober. They no longer care if they hurt you in the procees because you become something that stands in their way of their fix. Actions a user takes while on these substances, don’t affect the user like it affects you. They have no remorse for the things they do to others. A user will only love you, if you are a user right along with them and even then, once the dust settle, the user realizes how unfulfilled they truly are with another user. They will only care about you as long as you enable them. Therefore, if you don’t, they become spiteful. Take caution and productive actions. Before, the addiction becomes a huge problem in both parties lives. Remember; a user will blame you for why they use, for why they’ve hurt you and why they have problesm in their life. They will not and cannot take respoinsibility for their actions or part that they play in their own destruction. It isn’t until their head clears and they tired of using for hat temporary period that they realize the damage they’ve caused and begin to seek forgiveness. The question you must always ask yourself: is it genuine remorse or another tactic