“He didn’t deserve…The chance he got. Once received… He couldn’t keep crop…”
The OG THOT
I want to call it a short lived relationship with Chad but to be completely honest, Chad has been quite the thorn in my bottom for 23 years.
When Chad rolled through town, he didn’t come out here looking to be with me. I was merely a pit stop…. Or a…temporary landing spot after he fleed the facility.
At first, I couldn’t understand how he could constantly voice, “The only reason I’m out here doing this is for you.” All while every day there was something new he found fault in. A new reason to break up.
Until it hit me.
Chad didn’t want to be with me, he’d used me like he uses everyone else in his life and trekked along hoping to use me some more.
“One foot in and one foot out.”
Before Chad came out he mentioned a few times how he had “Backup plans”
He was too busy NEVER giving the relationship a fighting chance. Allowing his back up plan to take precedence over each second of every day, it came with a million and one excuses to find fault in me.
Whether it was a problem with my feet, or how I spoke to someone, how I slept, how I walked, how I smiled, how I thought, etc.
He slowly incorporated his grasp of control. Yet, using these “flaws” to justify his angry outbursts that ALWAYS came with a daily “break up” and drama.
Oh right! Let us not forget how Chad told ME, I was the drama.
I’ll admit, chads daily outbursts and breakup drama became quite exhausting and tired.
Traits, that he fell in love with in the first place, suddenly became flaws he pointed out like a need one has for air. It was almost as though Chad couldn’t thrive unless he was slamming, belittling and degrading me.
By July 16th: his last outburst
I was so far beyond ready to be done. Hence, the rush to grab my belongings and make my exit.
That night, Chad took it too far. Choosing to commit heinous acts of injustice. it’ll never matter how much he claims innocence, victim hood or “it’s your fault” or “you made me do it” at every bottom line: CHAD chose. CHAD decided. CHAD acted. CHAD misbehaved and CHAD is in the wrong. Everyday god watches as he continues to trek along.
“Mandy didn’t pull his arm, he lifted his fist on his own accord.”
I simply couldn’t take on a Man in my life who was more immature than my five year old daughter.
The thing is: Chad is a man who comes with a ton of baggage and an even larger bag of flaws.
I chose to over look those things. Not because of nativity but because when you love someone truly, you love them for all they are, not what you can squeeze out of them, or how they can prove themselves “worthy” of you.
Maybe I should have mistreated Chad the same way. Maybe put more energy into pointing out all the little things that grossed me out, embarrassed me or just weren’t good enough to make me stay. Lined up a list of back up plans as well. I didn’t.
Because while he was too busy choosing HATE I was focused on choosing LOVE 💕
I may have let a lot of things slide but I grew tired of remaining silent. Chad wasn’t very good to me and his true colors aren’t very pretty.
Most importantly, through my experience with Chad, I changed. I grew. I evolved.
….. I …. LEVELED UP!
Meaning, I am no longer afraid to speak My truth. And… after Chad assaulted me with no remorse nor regret for hurting an individual he claimed to love dearly, I too shall carry that same lack of remorse now.