foot steps,foot print,walking,rarenwise

One Foot In and One Foot Out


“He didn’t deserve…The chance he got. Once received… He couldn’t keep crop…”



I want to call it a short lived relationship with Chad but to be completely honest, Chad has been quite the thorn in my bottom for 23 years.


When Chad rolled through town, he didn’t come out here looking to be with me. I was merely a pit stop…. Or a…temporary landing spot after he fleed the facility.

At first, I couldn’t understand how he could constantly voice, “The only reason I’m out here doing this is for you.” All while every day there was something new he found fault in. A new reason to break up.

Until it hit me.

Chad didn’t want to be with me, he’d used me like he uses everyone else in his life and trekked along hoping to use me some more.

“One foot in and one foot out.”

🚩🚩🚩Not love🚩🚩🚩

Before Chad came out he mentioned a few times how he had “Backup plans”

He was too busy NEVER giving the relationship a fighting chance. Allowing his back up plan to take precedence over each second of every day, it came with a million and one excuses to find fault in me.

Whether it was a problem with my feet, or how I spoke to someone, how I slept, how I walked, how I smiled, how I thought, etc.

He slowly incorporated his grasp of control. Yet, using these “flaws” to justify his angry outbursts that ALWAYS came with a daily “break up” and drama.

Oh right! Let us not forget how Chad told ME, I was the drama.

I’ll admit, chads daily outbursts and breakup drama became quite exhausting and tired.

Once he relapsed, he became a different person. Someone I no longer recognized.

Traits, that he fell in love with in the first place, suddenly became flaws he pointed out like a need one has for air. It was almost as though Chad couldn’t thrive unless he was slamming, belittling and degrading me.

By July 16th: his last outburst

I was so far beyond ready to be done. Hence, the rush to grab my belongings and make my exit.

That night, Chad took it too far. Choosing to commit heinous acts of injustice. it’ll never matter how much he claims innocence, victim hood or “it’s your fault” or “you made me do it” at every bottom line: CHAD chose. CHAD decided. CHAD acted. CHAD misbehaved and CHAD is in the wrong. Everyday god watches as he continues to trek along.

“Mandy didn’t pull his arm, he lifted his fist on his own accord.”

Photo Courtesy of people who not only took the time to get to know me throughout my life but also ACTUALLY know me. The authentic me. Not the ME chad tried to paint through deflection.

I couldn’t

I simply couldn’t take on a Man in my life who was more immature than my five year old daughter.

The thing is: Chad is a man who comes with a ton of baggage and an even larger bag of flaws.

I chose to over look those things. Not because of nativity but because when you love someone truly, you love them for all they are, not what you can squeeze out of them, or how they can prove themselves “worthy” of you.

Maybe I should have mistreated Chad the same way. Maybe put more energy into pointing out all the little things that grossed me out, embarrassed me or just weren’t good enough to make me stay. Lined up a list of back up plans as well. I didn’t.

Because while he was too busy choosing HATE I was focused on choosing LOVE 💕

I may have let a lot of things slide but I grew tired of remaining silent. Chad wasn’t very good to me and his true colors aren’t very pretty.

Most importantly, through my experience with Chad, I changed. I grew. I evolved.

….. I …. LEVELED UP!

Meaning, I am no longer afraid to speak My truth. And… after Chad assaulted me with no remorse nor regret for hurting an individual he claimed to love dearly, I too shall carry that same lack of remorse now.

The truth hurts

As he desperately attempts to flip the blame on me, he completely grazes over the fact that he attempted to murder someone.

I sit with my inner truth, introspectively every day. Not something Chad Can say. Instead… he plays a little game called… ➡️Spiritual Bypassing⬅️

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23 thoughts on “One Foot In and One Foot Out

  1. Branding says:

    Yes. It seems like he doesn’t learn. Thanks for having patience with my response. I can’t help but relate, but on the opposite direction. I figured that I learned my lesson. I dated the sweetest girl in high school. She was beautiful. By far she was the kindest woman I’d ever been with, even now, after all these years. When I broke up I said, almost exactly, “I’m not good enough for you.” She struggled with it, begged my sister to ask me to take her back. I dated for awhile after. In my early twenties I saw her and remembered her gentleness and took the opportunity to go out with her again. I really don’t know why I didn’t stay with her, but decided to end it again. She was heartbroken. It’s been decades and I’m single again. This time it was my spouse that left. She “fell out of love.” Sound familiar? Ten years of trying to figure things out I thought I was ready to start dating again. I decided to look up my high school sweetheart, remembering who she was and that if she was still single, I’d have a pretty good chance. A friend said he thought she’d married an ambassador somewhere in the world. Instead, I found her on LinkedIn. She wasn’t with a diplomat. It was much more humble. (She was a writer. I found this very attractive.) As I get older, it takes a lot longer to process my decisions. At one point I was ready to send her a message, until I realized that I was just being lonely. It seems like the last person I should drag into my drama. What if I did the same thing as I had in previous years? I’m pretty sure she’d take me in, which made the whole thing worse to think about. “What if…?” No. If I have to be forever single, I won’t risk hurting her another time. Sometimes we have to sacrifice our own happiness to protect another.

    Liked by 1 person

    • 🧝‍♀️Rarenwise🧝‍♀️ says:

      Chads got a lot of personal work to do. He missed his window of opportunity to make amends with me. Definitely sounds familiar. Only different. Chad, my high school sweetheart never loved me. Never cared. If he had it would have shown AND we’d still be together happily. He didn’t choose me he chose drugs. Therein lays the crux. A sober Chad versus an addict chad

      Liked by 1 person

      • 🧝‍♀️Rarenwise🧝‍♀️ says:

        Definitely! Chad couldn’t eve last ten months sober and I deserve a far batter chance with someone far better put together

        Liked by 1 person

      • 🧝‍♀️Rarenwise🧝‍♀️ says:

        I think the saddest part of it all is: Chad knows he messed up but he’s not willing to admit it. He knows he pissed away the best thing that has ever happened to him and he’s not willing to come to terms rather his hope is to hurt more. It wasn’t enough for him to assault me he needs to come at me backhandedly with fake accounts harassing gaslighting threatening pretending you name it.

        You don’t just piss away a woman like me me not regret it.

        Losing me will be his greatest regret in life and once he starts sobering he will realized how badly he messed up.

        He knows I mean a lot to him he just isn’t willing to admit it.

        I’ll always stand out for him and that alone will be his greatest pissing away the diamond 💎

        Liked by 1 person

      • 🧝‍♀️Rarenwise🧝‍♀️ says:

        Oh it not sad for me hon. It’s sad for Chad. For, he is the one who wallows in his own self pity, self regret, self doom, self sabotage and regret. Not I. I get to move on to bigger and better things. Chad will be stuck in his own grief and loss as the world he is trekking begins to spin with his repercussions

        Liked by 1 person

    • 🧝‍♀️Rarenwise🧝‍♀️ says:

      I can be quite relatable. It’s why I’m sharing my story. My experience with Chad almost led me to death. He relapsed on drugs and alcohol and tried hiding it, ultimately he unraveled and He assaulted me left me for dead choosing to continue to self medicate and fled into another woman’s bed. A man not healed within himself continuing to trail-blaze she being his current and soon to be next victim. I hope she sees his true colors before he escalates to the point of actually taking HER life.

      I’m sorry you went through a similar experience. Isn’t it beautiful how we can go through traumatic experiences and atrocities that people put us through and stand back up wiser and more powerful?
      Well that’s saying that we learned from it of course. Unfortunately Chad will continue to repeat the same patterns until he snaps. He needs to grow, heal and evolve within himself in order to accrue a better slate.

      Thank you for sharing. Do you mind if I ask what happened to you?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jeffrey Christopher says:

        Oh, I was with a man who tried to tell me that I was literally insane, that I did not remember events correctly. I wound up marrying him, and he turned out to be an actual psychopath, lying to the police to hold me captive. Drugs were involved and he made it seem like I was the problem on that front.

        Anyway, I am glad that you are safe now. There are some really dangerous people in this world. Be safe, and keep telling your story. People need to know!

        Liked by 1 person

      • 🧝‍♀️Rarenwise🧝‍♀️ says:

        Wow! Chad did some similar stuff. Trying to make me believe I was the manipulator, the toxic one, the “problem” the reason and rhyme for his addiction and relapse. The everything from under the sun of why here was this or that

        Liked by 1 person

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