The narcissists favorite tool in their tool box is gaslighting. they will do whatever it takes to convince you their abusive nature is justified. They’ll stoop to projecting their own qualities upon you in hopes of making you believe your the terrible person, manipulative one. Toxic one, etc..
A narcissist will even go as far as convincing everyone they know and you know that your are someone you are not, simply to gain or regain control over you.
They will often go through extreme measures to break down your self worth and integrity. They will go as far as baiting you into an argument in hopes of making you look bad publicly as though it completely dismisses their own flawed abusive nature.
Some extremes a narcissist may take is; the spiritual bypassing method. This is where rather than reflecting on their own nature, misdeeds and actions, they will distortedly believe that they have reached a high point of evolution, spirituality and all knowing. Sometimes, resorting to pseudo spirituality as a new tactic for new sources. Claiming a sense of warrior-ship in these knowledges and believes NOT because they’ve actually evolved or believe in these concepts but rather because it makes them look “good”
Examples may be:
speaking on concepts like spirituality, true love, relationships, friendships, life, success, etc as though they’ve suddenly had a eureka moment and are qualified in all knowing of these aspects. Yet, speaking aimlessly regarding the concepts with no true ground to stand on with it.
I.E an individual who needs five relationships to be fulfilled cannot and does not understand the value nor depthy meaning of true love. AND most importantly has no ground to speak on it.
True love is exclusive
It is something far more valuable than expecting five woman to be your loyal dutiful’s, easy, and obedient. When you yourself have never been loyal to anyone. It is loving someone for who they are, not what you want them to be. Loving them unconditionally rather than with stipulations and rules set forth as a means to cheat once these said rules are “broken” etc.
True love is not pushing a woman to have a baby in the first week of dating and getting angry when she wants to wait a few months.
True love is Patient. Not angry the moment one doesn’t get what they want. Grown man child tantrums are tactics. A true love will wait not punish because the woman isn’t moving fast enough for them and has priorities in life she still has to maintain with or without you.
True love is not forcing her to abandon her priorities.
(However, today’s topic is narcissism. See tomorrow’s post as I go a bit more into this topic)
For a narcissist they NEED you under their thumb. They NEED Others to believe you are the one full of madness so that their other sources can continue to see them as the charmer they portray themselves to be.
At the end of the day, it’ll never matter how “well” they use their tactics, how much they attempt to bash your name. True colors always spill to the surface.
Some narcissists won’t take into account that people who know you, will even tell you the things the narcissist are saying about you behind your back. Thus, highlighting the narcissists flawed behavior even more.
Therefore, the only thing you need to do after escaping the treacherous clutch of a narcissist is allow their own self destructive nature to be theirs and theirs only.
A narcissist always ends up exposing themself. Allow them.
The best thing I ever did for myself was realize Chad was never going to change. If he was going to change, he would have already. Can’t teach an old conditioned dog new tricks
Expecting a narcissist to take accountability for their actions, abuse and poor behavior when they are already incapable of taking accountability for their own self and life, is the equivalent of expecting unicorns to ride at dawn.
Chad is someone who blames everyone he knows for why his life is in shambles. An individual who blames his parents for everything he experiences even now in his adult life. Dad could be a million miles away and if Chad experiences a set back nope it was dads fault. Let’s not dismiss the fact that he openly speaks about how his father is dead while he’s still alive and ticking. 🤔 cray cray
Chad could go years without contacting mom but as soon as he experiences a set back it’s suddenly her fault.
Chad could relapse 475 miles away and sure enough it was “my fault” a narcissist NEEDS everyone else in their life to be the problem to all their setbacks because the scariest thing in the world to a narcissist is discovering their own SELF.
“Meeting their shadows and addressing their demons, is their greatest fear”
Am I disappointed that I didn’t realize it before he assaulted me? Yes! In him especially. He seriously didn’t need to take it that far but he did. Why? Because my catching onto his behavior pissed him off so severely he wanted to punish me. For that, his karma will come. Not from me, anyone but merely from his own deeds and actions.
Telling other people I hit first, self defense this and that, is yet again quite the most pathetic thing I’ve heard come out of his mouth thus far. defensive wounds and offensive wounds are significantly different. No offensive wounds found. Why? Because Chad assaulted solely on his own accord.
Ten tactics a narcissist will resort to when you start catching onto their behavior:
- Gaslighting (they’ll do everything they can to convince you your wrong)
- Fear and manipulation
- Projection (They’ll project their abuse onto you because they assume you’ll accept it and apologize.)
- Leveling (When a narcissist knows you’re onto them, they’ll resort to something called leveling to bring you down to their level.)
- Devaluation (Expect to have every slur and insult in the book hurled at you with hate bombing. Even if the narcissist wasn’t physically abusive previously, now might be the time the physical violence comes out.)
- Victimizations (if you haven’t noticed yet the Narcissist is always the victim)
- blackmailing (especially if you refuse to cave to their initial outbursts)
- Smearing your name
I consider myself quite lucky to have successfully escaped the clutches of a narcissist. No matter how hard he convinces himself that I still want him he really screwed up and that’s not going away. That alone will eat him inside for the rest of his life. Because he knows what he pissed away. On my end of the spectrum, since he’s been gone a lot more fruitful opportunities have come into place. As long as I’m not in his clutches, I will continue to thrive. 🥰💞
Nothing feels better than removing a twenty three year thorn is your arse.