Ever meet someone so psychologically disturbed they contain so much toxicity they are even toxic for their own selves?
It was probably the most stressful day of my life.
From the moment he decided to fly out, I wanted to help come up with a plan. It didn’t make sense to me for him to show up with no landing spot and no place to stay. When I suggested a plan he got upset instantly, angrily accusing me for not wanting him to come down. Not recognizing I wanted him to come down with comfort NOT mayhem. As I was not allowed to make my suggestions, Chad made me feel like I had to dutifully say okay, your right. It was the only way to calm him down. It was the only way to ever calm him down, allowing him to be right even when he was wrong.
Chad carries the mentality that he is owed. He is entitled to but not responsible for putting in any effort himself. Whether it’s income, relationships (all types), etc. Everyone must obey him and submit to his ideals. If he offends someone the other person is in the wrong. If he hurts someone that other person is in the wrong.
I’ve already seen the extremes he’ll go through just to force me into being okay with what he did to me.
Notice I say force me to be okay with it NOT because he wants me to understand or forgive.
The day he decided he was going to fly out, he did so in a whirlwind.
Rather than make it an exciting experience for the both of us, he started flipping out and fighting with me. Going back and forth between happy to come and fuck you do you want me there or not. Jumping down my throat every time I spoke even in positivity. Continuously snapping at me about his stuff he had to leave behind. A choice HE made in a whirlwind HE chose instead of brainstorming a PLAN with ME.
Even though, I pulled those strings and had his stuff retrieved for him, THAT was STILL not good enough for him.
Can you imagine spending the day with that mixed bag of emotions while at work mind you…it’s definitely NOT exciting. It Honestly felt like he had other plans and he was conflicted about which ones to go with.
He often claimed, the only reason he came out here was for me. Yet, had other plans. So many signs and indications prove he lied. Truth be told, had he come out here only for me, he would have went back to where he came from immediately after the assault.
After several hours of Chads angry, ugly back and forth, I grew quite tired of his antics. I essentially gave up. I told myself “screw this if he really wants to be here he’ll come without all these issues. If he wants to make it more trouble than it’s worth, then cool let him. He can stay there. Not playing this game anymore.” It was only after my energy shifted that he changed his tone and behavior about it. Maybe he sensed it. It was like he felt me drifting away. Changing my mind. As soon as I’d given up on him coming out, he dropped his mean and went back to his nice determined to come attitude. Not before shoving twelve hours of bs into my day.
I picked him up and we went to dinner. Afterwards, he handed me his phone to find a hotel. As I opened up his Google, it opened up into the messages page of tinder. A list of woman he was speaking to that day. I called him out instantly and his face got as red as a tomato. He started making excuses for it. “ I never use tinder” “I never use that search app I go through the search bar” “that’s not me.” “I swear it’s not me” he didn’t take into account that the very last message at the bottom contained his last response to another female, “I don’t know what to do, I’m coming to N… and I’m freaking …”. He also didn’t take into account the numerous times he’d referenced his use of tinder when speaking about his ex. Also, the girl he “accidentally” punched
He also didn’t take into account…. Well I’ll hold that detail back. ☠️
Chad: the square peg and round hole. Unable to get the round pole into the round hole and the square pole into the square hole.
Because he’s attempting to insert each fit half assed and backwards.
His OWN undoing and tragedies of life.
For Chad, nothing was ever based off true love. Each expression, each move was a strategy in his mind.
Chad is the type to take without reciprocation. He carried an unnerving need to control how much time he received from me yet on the flip side lost his shit as soon as I was questioning his lack of reciprocation. I remember many times where we’d Made plans to spend some time together. I would shift my whole schedule around for him, simply for him to flake.
When Chad and I spoke, I wasn’t allowed to do things for myself and the moment I mentioned other plans Chad’s demeanor would change. Sometimes he would become outright flippant and others he would get visibly mad, say nothing but find other ways to prevent me from following through with my plans. Therefore, I’d be stuck at his whim unable to participate in my plans. Once this occurred, he’d suddenly have other plans.
This used to fluster me because on that flip side he was allowed to make plans without scrutiny. Once I wised up to what he was doing, I began asking him nicely, “ Hey, why do you do that?”
“Get mad at me for plans but make plans for your own self as though you didn’t just get mad at me for those things?”
Like clockwork there was that burst of anger. Chad has the ability to go from zero to a hundred in a heartbeat.
You see, for Chad it was only okay if he did it.
But NEVER okay when he started receiving reciprocation of what he was putting out.
I suppose that’s a typical occurrence with abusers. Take and take, manipulate, lie, deceive, mistreat, emotionally abuse, verbally abuse…. Until they get a little taste of their own medicine then suddenly their flailing around NOT okay with the fact that people DO wise up.
Life lesson #4
We treat people how we want to be treated
If you constantly mistreat someone and suddenly don’t like the way they’ve shifted towards you, you may want to reflect on what it is your doing to them to cause this change.
All he has left is gaslight:
I suppose if I was naive I’d fall for it. I don’t. I see it. Recognize it. All his extremes and all his attempts. Apparently, it’s his latest, favorite hobby. An unhealthy obsession.
The thing is:
No matter how hard he tries, others have witnessed the way he’s behaved with me. Many occasions, his toxic has been seen. Not just by myself but by others. That in itself speaks loud
Unfortunately, narcissists rely on that isolation to manipulate you into believing the distorted reality they need you to believe. So when they can’t, it angers them profusely.
No matter how distorted and confusing he tries to make things, it’s that factual proof that keeps him at bay looking like a crazy person flailing around. In spite of him throwing his tantrums, while trying to blame me for them